Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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