but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
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