I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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