i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
