You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
