if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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