Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
