The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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