It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
