probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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