All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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