This is not my ceiling
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
