I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
