um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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