I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
