Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
