OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
