He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
