After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
