don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
