Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
