Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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