you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
