the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
