I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
