hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
