why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
