someone get that fucking seahorse.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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