you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
