I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Randomize
