I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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