I'm pants shitting drunk right now
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
