i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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