Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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