there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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