Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
