I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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