i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
