Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
