hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
