Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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