ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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