I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
