and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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