he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
