...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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