You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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