remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
