I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
