Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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