He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
