i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
