i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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